Managing disappointments is something I’ve HAD to learn to manage in life. This includes in my blended family life, marriage life, and work life.
And of course every blog begins with something that recently happened leading to the inspirational writing..
So we were supposed to have had my bonus kiddos this past weekend… however, it didn’t happen. My hubs had sent notification to his children’s mom of what date he chose for his children’s summer stay with him(us). All was followed as believed per their parenting plan. Unfortunately less than 2 days prior to the summer pickup we received notification that my hub’s summer plans will not be honored and all our summer plans will need to be rescheduled. Would this sudden change create disappointment in some of you after all your summer plans had been planned out and they now need to be rescheduled? Be truthful…
Now to understand how we get to the place of disappointment we have to start at the beginning; the expectation.
There are certain expectations we as parents(coparents) have on the other parent such as:
•When the other parent requests that you follow the parenting plan then you also expect them to do the same.
•When the other parent is requesting you to make it to your child’s sports event that they scheduled on your parenting time then you also expect the same courtesy back.
•When the other parent expects you to answer the phone to talk to their children then you expect the same courtesy.
•When the other parent advises that the children should play less video games at your home then you would expect the same rules implemented in their home.
•When the other parent expects you to keep promises you made then you expect the same of them.
This also includes expectations we have on our spouses and coworkers as well such as:
•When a spouse has high standards for you then you also expect them to follow through with same high standards for themselves.
•When your coworker requests you to work their tasks while absent then you expect the same courtesy back when your absent.
And so on….
But how many times does it feel you are the only one living fair and that others are not following through with the burdens they are casting on you? However I hope by now you’ve noticed the issue. And the issue is… it’s actually you. Now before you get all huffy and puffy at me, just keep reading… When I said “you” I mean your mindset. By EXPECTING something back from your child’s parent, your spouse, your coworker, then you are setting YOURSELF up for disappointment.
You have 0 control over the other person. Let me say it again. You have zero, none, nada, control over the other person. But you have full control over yourself and your mindset. By controlling your mindset and realizing that the other person will continue doing what they believe is right; regardless of fairness or not, regardless of law or not, regardless for the best interests of the children or not, then the disappointment will fade away.
Realizing that while you remain fair and courteous; however, you may not always get the same back. This doesn’t mean you should stop being fair and courteous though.
Like I always say you are never alone in this, be the best parent you can be for your children, the best spouse, the best worker, find the positive in your situation, and honestly it all works out in the end when you do the right thing.
For me the positive spin in this is while with the last minute schedule change we couldn’t reschedule our family trip, which originally included my bonus kiddos, however now my daughts will get some extra quality time with us and the spenditures will be a bit cheaper. 😅